I have wrote until now in my journal some large paragraphs about loneliness. Although it is not myself that is in the pictures, and this is the first try of making such honest and maybe cruel pictures, they speak sincerely about my feelings. Loneliness can be felt even if in a relationship, can be felt even among people who don’t understand us.
Admitting the loneliness make us vulnerable in this competitive world, but in a way we cannot heal unless we embrace it. Alec Soth said “To me the most beautiful thing is vulnerability”
On the other side by rejecting our vulnerable side we stop connecting with others. I think as a photographer our capacity of feeling empathy and connection is one of our core skills, but requires a huge power of accepting ourselves with our insecurities, insuccess, and in the end without a played perfectionism.
Based on vulnerability I got a step forward to art therapy – where a new concept true self and false self arises.
Another major theme is marriage or rather, the desire to get married and the failure (until now) and the society pressure for that. In fact most of my bad moods are low self esteem because I didn’t get married , even if I didn’t look very happy in my relationship, why didn’t I do it, like all the rest. As Elina Brotherus said , people are generally very ignorant they don’t want to see behind the facts, what is really behind that relationship, is it really worth it? Because the great majority did the step without thinking too much they ask unconsciously for same act. Why should I feel bad, have low self esteem when they did it wrong? Why are so many conscious attacks to my relationship status( which was ended actually) . Why do I feel bad when I see people don’t care at all what was really happened with me , but why don’t I have that damn ring?
The irony is of course I want to get married but only if it worth it.So, the series it will come wit will be based on Sophie Calle’s work – take care of yourself. I think it is pretty much as like her but with one step further – I really want to get married so I will- in front of the camera only. And I will ask a series of my single friends to do that for me also, to interpret how they see marriage. To get them married in front of camera too.
In other words people love happy endings but don’t like the sad story that is often hidden behind it. Usually the more sad experiences one have, the hopeless one is. But personally for me it is a struggle to keep my hope , to work on myself to be a better person, so both the eventual “happy end” and the “sad story” have the same weight. So,I would love to print the vulnerability taken photos on a bridal veil. It is an end of vulnerable issues? Or it is a journey of another? Or both? Who knows what it’ll be…
Adelina Gelu C&N 